Liar, liar. Oh yes, here I go..

Everyone lies. This I know. I’ve lied to my mother countless times about not being home when she calls for the bajillionth time but that’s not the lying I’m talking about. I’m not offended by teensy lies because, well, we’d all be liars if we said we rode on that moral high ground. I embellish the truth with telemarketers all the time. It’s much easier to feign a lack of English and say you’re the exotic nanny that speaks a mysterious language, because I have no idea where these call centers are based.

Confession: When I was younger I wanted a more alluring name so when I went out with my friends for dinner and the cute boys from the other table asked me my name, I said it was Destiny. (voms) I believe that would possibly have been my stripper name. No wonder I got weird looks and one guy tried to stick his finger in my belly button. So, boys and girls, lying is bad. Especially when your exotic name really belongs to some girl with a Costco membership solely for baby oil.


It’s gross when people have a value structure and then go against it for whatever reason. You can’t have two sets of rules when it comes to being truthful. It’s like a guy who cheats on his wife and then chastises other people for their shoddy behavior. Newp. There is no justification to be excluded from bawdy habits and then penalize (no pun intended) someone else for theirs. How many times have you heard the axiom (however much it’s exhausted itself)- you can’t run from yourself? That’s why I find people manifest all sorts of diseases and illnesses because lack of truth is what destroys a person’s integral organs, not to mention integrity. It’s all related darling. Us intuitive beings can be a victim of our own foresight.


Fun Examples:


Selective memory lying. My gawd, borderline creativity wrongly utilized. I mean, think of the potential of your embellishments? You could be the next teen fiction genius. I just can’t deal with people that have a very selective memory usually to accompany their own deluded self-righteousness. I.e. No, no I didn’t say that. Um…yes, yes, you did. I just get so frustrated that I hang up or tune out. These are usually the same people that love arguments, drama and pointing out where others go wrong but when it comes barrelling back towards them, their sleeping coward suddenly awakens and they attack in the defensive. It’s all very toxic and draining, like watching a ghastly movie. Not even the kind that rotten tomatoes would consider rating. Yah, like that awful. It’s usually individuals who love to lecture and give unsolicited advice that are utterly shrouded in their own neuroses and can’t see that they are complete lying cretins. They really believe the garbage they conjure. It’s a bit ignorant if a liar hasn’t figured out that people have good memories and know when a person is lying.

I recently caught a friend of mine lying to me about some guy who liked her. Now this is a smallish lie but she went to quite some effort to convince me that he preferred her over me which is creepily interesting. It turns out he wasn’t remotely interested in her, thought she looked like a homosexual starter pack and was grossed out by her untruthful ways. So mean. I know. She loved to dole out advice (unsolicited, I may add) and rode that moral high ground like Debbie Does Dallas but when it came to her own compass? I think it was broken. If a woman feels the need to compete with another woman there is a well of insecurities and I don’t have the time to figure out just how deep that runs, especially if I’m the victim of it. I can’t solve everyone’s problems, I have my own. Why can’t there be a therapist app like UberEats?



I’ve been given a hard time because I’m too honest and say what’s on my mind quite frequently. I don’t hint, I don’t mince words and I’m not afraid to say how I feel. Why lie when you can be honest? It may not be pretty but I’m not short on morals. (just the one time when I bought all the gluten-free Thai noodles at the grocers knowing there were people behind me that wanted them. Noodles people. It’s like a cloud of carbs held me in a captivating haze) I know, the truth hurts and sometimes I try to make it pretty and diplomatic and other times it just escapes my lips like a bad lipstick. The thing is, those big lies, they’re awful and just the thought of being deceitful makes me feel queasy inside and ridden with anxiety, so I pretty much tell the truth, unless you ask me if you’re fat. Just don’t. Don’t make me lie to you. I’ll probably use every synonym to lessen the blow. Like, you’re so robust and lovely, pleasantly plump or my eyes are on panoramic right now, check back later. If you must ask, you probably need a workout. Or five. All silly jokes aside, I find that no matter what shape or size you are, own it. You may not be where you want just yet, physically, but asking people for validation instead of loving yourself won’t help you feel better. Maybe I’m forthright because however harsh the reality is, I don’t lie to myself. I literally have to shake myself out of my own woes and take action, even though it can be cumbersome and difficult.

Another fun story: I had a friend who companied all the time. Connie Complainer. Every single morning, she would say hello and tell me about her problems. Sometimes I hadn’t even sipped my coffee when she started ranting away. This is a very, very bad thing. That’s like PMS times fifty. I finally told her that she was wrecking my morning and to stop whining away if she wasn’t willing to make any changes. We can’t always be a victim of our own life, we must be the star. (Ohhh fridge quote)

Whatever way you spin it, I think it’s so much easier to explain the truth to someone rather than cover up a lie with a thousand more. The moment I find out a friend or anyone really, has fibbed about something that wasn’t even a huge deal, maybe they just want to look good or believe their own story, they lose credibility in my eyes and I have a hard time trusting them again. The truth takes courage. It comes from a place of self-confidence, self-acceptance and fearlessness. It’s also very circular. If you are at peace with your own internal framework, you won’t feel the need to embellish anything and if someone doesn’t like it, you’ll care less. I’ve stopped worrying about what people will think. Morals over diplomacy. Any. Darn. Day.