Make-up bags and lies

Glitter. Sparkle. Shimmer. Iridescence. The moment I hear those words my eyes light up. Oooh see what I did, the whole light glitter thing?  Not ashamed of being dorky, I could probably dive my nose into a thesaurus and find as many synonyms for anything that twinkles. It exasperates me when I pick up a magazine that states after a certain age, one should refrain from anything sparkle-like on le visage. Seriously? I need to find the people that write these things and spray them with some glitter. *  As a make-up artist** I can state that’s an absolute fallacy. It’s really about how you can pull off a look, the type of skin you have, genetic pre-disposition to ageing and exactly how much of a flying fig you give about silly fashion rules. The ooooonly thing I can concur with is if you have heavy eye makeup keep the lips light and vice versa and even then, I’ve seen some people break that rule beautifully. Do what makes you happy; It’s your face! Having said that, please don’t use all your make-up at once. I would like to think that my readers are maquillage savvy and more than aware of this.***

This week, I’ve got all sorts of fun products in my make-up bag.

I’m lying.

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I don’t use a make-up bag. The Prada one is cute though, isn’t it? I really admire those women that have leviathan colossus handbags, with all kinds of things in them from extra pantyhose to hairspray and covetable cosmetic cases. Sadly, I don’t wear hair spray and a lot of make-up so I get stuck figuring out what to put in a huge tote.  Most of the time I despise carrying a handbag.


I’d rather keep stuff things in my pockets like a dude. On occasion, if I’m at a super fancy function or wedding I may have concealer because marriage makes me a bit teary-eyed. **** Ok, back to my pretend make-up bag, most of this stuff is on my dresser anyway. I love glosses, mainly for the pretty packaging and the sultry promise of seduction. Although, I have never had a man come up to me and declare that he simply cannot avert his gaze from my Dior or Marc Jacobs lip-gloss. That would have me slightly suspicious anyway, like he may want to borrow them. The thing with lip-gloss is that it sticks all over my face when I have my windows down and I’m driving. Of-course this is less of a problem in the winter where my hair would probably freeze the moment I rolled the windows down and faced the slightest bit of minus thirty breeze.***** Also, if the lip-gloss is flavored like candy, I’ll lick it off in three seconds.

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When it comes to glitter I love Urban Decays Heavy Metal eyeliner. I blend a little of it into my eyeliner and it looks lovely, just go easy with it because you could turn your eye-lid into a disco ball, unless that’s the look you’re going for.


Shimmery body sprays are really fun to use and to nebulize unsuspecting anti-sparkle friends that use words like uniform or age-appropriate.  Brands I love are by Tarina Tarantino and Guerlain. I find that I inadvertently leave a trail of sparkle behind after a dusting and think that’s kind of fabulous.




I have five essentials that I need everyday.


1. An Eyelash curler – I love the Chanel one, it does magic to my lashes. I think mine are pretty long but they’re straight. Sometimes I just curl them up and don’t apply any mascara because I’m lazy and it can be a pain in the arse to remove. I can’t rock the hot mess meets the neighborhood raccoon look. What? You don’t have a neighborhood raccoon? I’ve even named mine Becky.******


2. Chanel Eye Kohl – not pictured here because it’s now getting to a point where it’s looking like a shabby kids crayon and not a dignified eye product anymore. I’m addicted to lining my eyes with it.


3. Buxom lipstick – It’s lip plumping! Without the tickly feeling that lip-plumping glosses give you, plus- windows down this won’t make every free hair stick to your face. Hashtag: Win win.

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4. Concealer– because writers don’t sleep on occasion and we need all the help we can get. I love Laura Mercier’s secret concealer. I have no idea why it’s a secret, every one that struggles with sleep needs this to look wide-awake.


5. Bronzer– otherwise I’ll look like a vampire. Pale, pale and pale, even in the summer. I tried squeezing my cheeks to avoid using it once, something I saw on those Jane-Austen-ish mini drama’s on telly where some prim looking girl was trying to impress a boy and she pinched her cheeks. I wanted to shout out that maybe she should ditch her dress that makes her look like a upside down umbrella. I digress….it didn’t work, I just wound up having pinch  marks on my face. *******



Side note:  I can’t bring myself to wear foundation. I feel like I’m wearing a mask. Plus I’m a hugger; I would be horrified if my make-up was all over someone’s outfit.


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*I keep a bottle handy for that sheer purpose

**Hold on; let me put that hat on. See my bio for said hat reference here.

*** I once knew a gal that loved wearing so much blush and bright lipstick that she resembled a very pretty clown. Thankfully, she asked me what I really thought and instead of hurting her feelings I offered a makeover. She truly appreciated it and discovered that she was even more gorgeous without much make-up at all and still keeps it minimal to this day.

****The last two weddings I attended only lasted six months tops. I wonder what they did with the gifts?

*****Gotta love Canadian winters eh?

******Becky, the tart, has now found herself a few furry boyfriends and is making obnoxious sounds on my neighbor’s roof. I don’t know what’s worse, the poor neighbor listening to the fornicating or my view of it.

*******This story is similar to the whole suck air from a shot-glass for 30 seconds to plump your lips. Yeah, well I got a bruise and a nice ring around my mouth for three hours. Hashtag: Epic fail. 

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