Mean girls.

photoSpiritual pink prize ribbons for tolerance.

She was a mean girl no doubt. There she sat, with her one leg up driving, waving a cigarette at me, screaming like a banshee being super annoyed about…well, I’m not sure really. I didn’t have the time to make a list in my head as to what made this woman shout at me the way she did. It was violating, ungraceful, undignified and spoke volumes about her demeanor. I was so stunned into silence because I had never seen someone go absolutely crazy in the midst of driving. Really. She clearly was embracing her road rage to it’s full, fuming potential, not to mention harboring some deep rooted issues of not being heard in life. Definitely not in the wrong, I was patiently stopped at a red light, crutches by my side after a leg injury and was cautiously making a right turn while she was honking to all her glory behind my car for me to move faster. I wondered if she could see the oncoming traffic, or was she upset about something else? As she overtook my car she looked in my window, stopping in the middle of the road to continue to yell at me. Her eyes rested on my crutches immediately causing her face to contort, releasing yet another scream, leg still up. “I DON’T CARE! I DON’T CARE!” Her yelling was so deafening that I had a ringing in my ear. She sported one of the most vile expressions I had ever seen, threw her cigarette butt on my car and sped off.  Did she just do that? I grinned in disbelief.  I had to stop and park so that I could try to detoxify this horrible woman out of my mind.

Was she aware of just how ugly she looked at that moment, inside and out? Do people ever think about how they let their issues get the best of them and whom they hurt in that process? Was she really mad at me for not making a turn? I highly doubt it. She was probably more unsatisfied with other circumstances. It doesn’t really matter, I thought to myself, and she’s not worth the extra paragraph but the incident left me unsettled. Still parked, I thought about the past month and the unbecoming behavior I’ve had the misfortune of witnessing. Scribbling some points in my notebook, I knew I wanted to write about it without giving mean girls a platform for their individual experiences. All I can state is that the common denominator for their awful behavior was evident, they were clearly unhappy with themselves, projecting that discontentment onto others.

How can you spot a Mean Girl? Well, they look normal, which can be confusing. Some of them are downright plain as can be, but their vivacity for viciousness is as prevalent as someone trying to hide a bald spot with a comb-over. They may try to disguise it at first, but eventually the nastiness seeps out. Don’t worry! Here are my five fab tips to remember when dealing with mean girls:

Number one rule: Never kick someone when they’re down. Ever. Mean girls are struggling with a plethora of issues, insecurities and a sense of self worth. Have compassion and send a lot of love their way. They need all the good vibes that they can get.  You don’t have to be friends with one but you don’t have to be horrible back either. Walk away, silently.

Two: Mean girls usually find fault in everything and everyone and despite having a quick wit they usually poison it with sarcasm and unrealistic expectations from others. You want to be treated a certain way? Be that way first!

Three:  They have low standards, with everything. They’ll take what they can get, even romantically and wind up being treated really badly and then catapult that anger on to everyone else. Until they realize their own worth, this pattern will keep continuing. People need an abundance of tolerance and empathy for this one. We may not understand someone’s journey but should definitely respect it.

Four: They’re terrible listeners. They’ll call you to vent and yammer on and on and won’t notice that you probably have the phone dangling from a lamp, giving yourself a mani-pedi. It will also depress the living daylights out of you but that’s why there’s this fabulous thing called voice mail.

Five:  When they are angry they will throw all your faults in your face, even the things that you have told them in confidence. Mean girls can’t control their temper and operate from a place of hurt, which stems from a fear of something deeper. The best thing you can do is to ask yourself how much of this can you take? If you’ve tried to be there for one of these feisty gals and can’t bear anymore, remove yourself, because until she realizes that she’s in the wrong and wants to make changes, there is nothing you can do.

When mean gals know that you are not a champion of malice they like to see how far they can push their bad behavior thinking you won’t lose your cool.  You do not have to accept the things that you don’t like at all or stick around for more. Let them know this and speak your mind, mindfully. It’s never ok to hurt someone, even if they have hurt you. No matter how bad of a day you are having, you have absolutely no right to do that. Period. Everyone has a social responsibility to strive for internal excellence and if you can’t do that at the present moment then just shut-up. Don’t ruin someone else’s day even if you are irate.

After I turned the key back in the ignition, tucking my notebook away, I smiled. I could have shouted back at her, like pigs in the mud, but I don’t function that way, no one is that special where I’m going to lose my cool. Nope.  It just made me more mindful to have compassion for people that are still journeying and struggling with themselves. I was grateful for my inner strength and for the knowledge that spiritual evolution is definitely at an individual pace. Every now and then the universe sends a mean girl along my path to test my own personal growth and how far I’ve come.  I wished her well (and hoped someone would tell her that smoking is going to make her age a gazillion years) after the initial shock of her abrasiveness and giggled at the ridiculousness of it all. It was most definitely a big pink ribbon kind of day.



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