The security of insecurity

Crossword P1It dawned on me the other day, as I stared at my image with scrutiny in the mirror, that very few people habituate the practice of self-love. I’m definitely not implying the narcissistic variety but more of a loving approach to every part of us, whether we think we are flawed or not. It surprised me that I too was guilty of this on occasion. I could be at my ideal weight, have the nicest butt- hugging jeans on with some crazy stilettos, having a good hair day and I’ll still zoom in on a microscopic mark on my face from poking myself whilst writing. Feeling a little irritated that I had antagonized myself to the point of peeling off a scab I wondered if I had decorticated a little of my own value? We all do it, we’re all guilty of looking at what we don’t like about ourselves instead of understanding that we are blessed with so much more. The thing is when we do it to ourselves, we allow others the same permission and that can be more hurtful. It’s one thing to say to yourself that you could maybe have say, firmer abs or a more positive attitude, it’s demoralizing when someone nods and says: “Yes, of-course! Don’t forget your irascible nature and those flabby arms.”

Why think it?

I have this fabulous French friend that is my guru of self-gloat. Let’s call her Gabby. One morning Gabby and I were having a cup of tea and she told me she needed to lose a few pounds that she had gained over the holidays. This woman was half my size, but I figured she knew her body better than I did. I asked her what her boyfriend thought of it? She looked at me the way one would look at someone that has just spoken to her in an indecipherable language and tilted her head to the side.

“Chérie, why would I point out something I don’t necessarily like about myself to him? Why do women always have to ask what others think of their insecurities? That’s my process to deal with.”

That’s pretty much been my mantra ever since. I bet her boyfriend wasn’t even thinking it, I know this because he tells me how beautiful she is every time I see him.

Over the years and more so recently, I have learnt that if you truly want to be happy you have to look in the mirror and love what’s staring back at you. That only happens when you’ve done the loving internally and are kind to yourself. That means saying adoring things on your own, even if at first you may sound a bit nuts. When you adopt that attitude then others will have no choice but to follow suit and you’ll quickly learn to open your glittery door for the people that don’t value you the way you know your own worth. It doesn’t matter if it’s a boyfriend, a friend, a family member or an acquaintance, if someone is quick to point out what they don’t love about you as opposed to what is gloriously there to be enamored with, then you have all the right in the world to turn on your dazzling heels and glamorously take strides in the opposite direction, surrounding yourself only with people that love you, for you.

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