Watching the art of tactlessness prevail, what to do and other concerns.
I realize that I can promote positivity until I suffocate my readers with age old axioms, mantra’s and affirmations and that’s generally how I conduct my life, but I am assuming that my role as a human being *allows me to acknowledge my indignation on occasion towards the prevalent lack of etiquette that I witness on a regular basis. I thought my biggest pet peeve was when people cut down trees but I now know it’s when I encounter an insufficiency of decorum. The conundrum is that the ones that seem to require it most think that they have it in droves.
Sometimes it’s ok to be annoyed, aggrieved and even irascible, just long enough to deal with whatever is discomposing you before suppressing and festering it; that’s toxic. I correlate it to the mint in the diet soda experiment.** I don’t know if you’ve seen what happens when you drop a Mentos into a bottle of diet soda but that’s pretty much what occurs when you don’t attend to what’s bothering you.
My way of dealing with lack of tact is to make a list; it’s a fun way to manage emotions because I always wind up making myself laugh.
Here are some things worth mentioning.
Thundering about: (reword when you’re not exasperated)
Here are my fulminations:
– Finding negativity in everything, even in peoples good intentions. The smallest things can inspire a person, even if it doesn’t motivate you. When you judge, you choose to be self-destructive and that comes from a place of severe lack and self-confidence, so if you have nothing nice to say, shut-it. No one cares.
– Taking about a forthcoming event that you have planned, revoking the invite to your friend after mentioning it and in an unstylish fashion, putting up pictures of the soirée on social media – tactless and tacky, shame on you.
– Making statements on-line that you are ‘fab’, ‘popular’ and just so irresistible. Allow other people to trip onto that conclusion about you. Ick.
– Classless hinting- goes something like: ‘Oh, so and so did this for me, and he or she helped me when no one else would.’ Or, ‘She’s so great, look what she gave me…’ I can’t tell you how immune I am to this. If you require someone to do something for you, simply ask. Don’t rub what people cannot do for you in their faces, even little kids don’t do this. Not nice.
-Don’t Namaste*** everything on the internet, hug trees and hope that your positive messages will bring un-relinquished light to others. Yes, it can happen but that stuff gets annoying, sometimes it’s just nice to see a cat in underwear. We never know what kind of struggles people go through, so ease back on the preaching and spray your love and light only in small quantities.
– Disclaimer: Relates to men. Claiming you’re a gentleman and then indulging in graceless behavior. Falling under this category is failing to open doors for a lady, asking intrusive questions, assuming she is a walking wallet, having back-up flings, reckoning that you’ll get lucky and inviting yourself over.
– Swearing, in jest with a woman. E.g.: “F@#$ you, really?” – followed by a jab in the arm. A girl may think you’re being cool but a real woman will think you’re an idiot. Keep the potty mouth for the gals who don’t have any self worth.
– Wondering what’s in it for you? – Shady and gauche.
– When you have pride you inadvertently fail to see the hardships and unique journey of others. I’ve found myself guilty of this in the past.
-Materialistic conversation. Uncouth and guess what? No one cares if your jacket is Dolce and Gabbana, especially if there’s a douche ensconced in it.
– Making someone pay more than their share when you go dutch.
– Overstaying your welcome.
– You are not superior, classier or more wealthier than anyone else. So lose the gold plated chip on your shoulder. What makes you rich? How well you treat others. That is all. We’re all the same; the packaging is different but our bodies, these vehicles that house our spirits are identical.
– Believe it or not, we’re all goodness, everyone is born with the intent to be compassionate human beings. Our faith only falters when we question our empathy and rationalize it by clutching onto the ego.
– You’re never too busy to be courteous. Never
– Don’t use misunderstandings as a way to fuel a festering fire or to cowardly exit a situation. Just face it.
– Life is not about making money and surviving. I once had someone tell me that all they think about twenty-four seven is turning one dollar into three; it was a sad moment. Living fully is about serving others, with humanity and kindness, its not that hard. It just requires stepping outside of you and stepping into some else’s shoes. Try it; expand your ‘sole’.
Finally, if you’re peeved about something, deal with it then and there and decide if the person you are not pleased with is worthy of the conversation, because not everyone is. It’s perfectly ok, if not preferable, to walk away especially when someone is disregarding your worth.**** Never harbor resentment, the energy will only boomerang back onto you. I tell myself my road is different, we meet various people at crossings and sometimes we don’t journey with one another, heading back on our designated paths. Wish everyone well with all the genuineness you can muster.
I’m not going to say that you’ll never encounter a tactless person ever again but if you set the intention to expect them to show up less frequently and teach yourself to be aware of courteousness, applying it regularly, then I can happily state you will meet less and less of these people each time you’re more and more decorous. Just remember…It’s always, always classy to forgive and forget. You don’t have to keep that person in your life anymore, but you’re also not poisoning yourself with negative thoughts.
*In my younger years I would have a recurring nightmare that aliens would come and inform me that it was we humans that were the aliens and how on earth did we manage with just two eyes instead of six?
** We all did this as kids, annoyed my mother to bits and maybe little Jason Wu that got hit in the eye with a Mentos one too many times.
***Washing over all of life’s idiosyncrasies with incessant mantras of ‘everything is ok.’ We do have bad days and it’s ok to be bothered about it.
**** Icky sticky tricky family. This is difficult because with family, you have to pick and choose your battles wisely or in my case not at all. I look at it this way, if family doesn’t display the comprehension of what etiquette is and are reveling as a ruler of their own planet (insert hearty laugh) then let them be. Heck, give them a crown! Why ruin their deluded fun? Just give them a sincere hug and be happy that you escaped the crazy gene.