Wondering what’s in a woman’s purse can be just as mystifying as the riddle of the Sphinx. You have to take into account the vast array of reticules, the size, occasion and style. Is it a day bag? A tote? Are remnants excavated to fit into a semi-day bag or articles removed into an evening clutch? The truth is the contents vary from woman to woman and I believe that a purse could singlehandedly save any situation. Take for example, being stuck in a remote location and just say MacGyver was with you? (If this is not in your era you may have to Google said MacGyver reference) He would know what to do with a lint roller, headphones and a bottle of Purell and whatever else you have floating around in your tote. The heavier the handbag, the more of a weapon it becomes, like thwarting an attacker with Chanel. I mean if you’re going to give someone a welt on the head, he or she may as well have the double C logo imprinted on it. (I‘m non discriminatory with respect to gender of attackers) This way, if he or she flees, the authorities can easily identify the stylish, yet handy double C logo. FYI: Getting hit on the head with one of those really hurts.
I’ve slightly derailed from the prospective bewilderment of the contents of a woman’s purse, I tend to get quite carried away with stylish crime. Oh see what I did there? A purse pun! Frankly, I’ve seen some very odd things in clutches, shoulder bags and shopping totes. I’m not exactly sure why anyone would want to walk around with fish food and an actual goldfish in one, but I suppose there’s a valid reason somewhere. Then there happened to be a soup and lingerie exotica. Sounds strange because, well, it just is. An acquaintance of mine would load up her Birkin* with a hot canister of soup, three matching pairs of lingerie and earplugs with tassels every day. I’m still trying to figure the relevance of the tassels and why she had a wide assortment of colors. The mind reels.
I would say that the artifacts in my handbag are slightly less mysterious and more VGG. There are items such as, hand sanitizer, hot pink floss, a lint-roller* and lip-gloss, no particular order. If you’re wondering why I don’t have chocolate in my purse it’s because I usually eat it before it goes in, or it’s permanently in my pocket. Intense chocolate cravings require a flick of the wrist and it’s too tedious to rummage around in a bag. Lastly, I carry around a Wonder Woman Lego mini-figure. She’s in there because I think it’s really important to remind yourself, with some humor, that there really isn’t anything you can’t do with a good outfit, red lipstick and a strong sense of self. Whip is optional, depending on handbag size of-course.
* It’s a purse crime to do that to one, it really is.
* I find lint terribly frightening and somewhat of a challenge to roll-up every single floating nuisance of it.